


Kids.

by a19YearOldTryingHerBest



Category: Barry (TV 2018), Bill Hader - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Original Character(s), Saturday Night Live - Freeform, early snl days, like 2006 or something, snl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:00:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21709363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a19YearOldTryingHerBest/pseuds/a19YearOldTryingHerBest
Summary: OFC and Bill, entering his second year of SNL, discuss their future and come to a conclusion about their relationship.
Relationships: Bill Hader & Reader, Bill Hader & You, Bill Hader / OFC, Bill Hader / Reader, Bill Hader/Original Female Character(s), Bill Hader/You
Kudos: 11





	Kids.

Tessa smiled against Bill’s chest as he laughed at the movie. They had turned on the TV and saw that The Big Lebowsky was already on the DVD player so they decided, why not watch that?

— I’m gonna get some water. Want one? — she said before standing up.

— No, I’m fine he said. — as she stepped into the kitchen and grabbed a small bottle of water for the fridge. She walked to the couch again and went back to laying her head on Bill’s chest, leaving a soft kiss on top of his shirt. He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

They went back to the movie, laughing ever so often and laying their hands on the other’s body, Bill touching her legs, Tessa touching his waist, Bill going up until he touched her ass and then her waist, Tessa kissing his neck. It wasn’t sexual, it was ordinary, almost familiar yet exiting and oddly new, like watching a movie you’ve watched a thousand times but realizing something you hadn’t before. A little bit like they were doing in that moment.

Between all the caressing Bill started thinking, looking forward into a future with her, how beautiful she looked every morning and how beautiful she would look the morning before their wedding, and the morning after. He thought about a house were each of them would have an office of their on and every night they would leave them to eat dinner while watching a movie, and they would do that until they decided they were ready for more and the dinner table would be share with a baby girl or two and a children’s movie after — What if we buy a house? — he let out, without really thinking about it.

Tessa chuckled softly at the idea Bill had just came up with — What? — she asked, her head still on his chest as she stopped paying attention to the movie they were watching.

— You know, what if in a few years we buy a house. — he said searching for the DVD player control on the floor to put the movie on pause — Maybe we can start saving up with the SNL money and then apply for a loan in a couple of years.

— I mean, sure, but what would we want a house for? — she asked, getting up from the laying position to sit and look at Bill, she knew a big conversation was coming.

— I guess to settle in, — he straightened up, facing her — get some stability.

— Shouldn’t we get married before that?

— Yeah, that’s why I said in a couple of years. — she smiled, thinking of how sweet it was that he was thinking about their future.

— I think it would be better to buy an apartment. A house would too big for the two of us, don’t you think? — she got closer to him, softening her posture.

— Yeah, right now it would be but maybe later we would need something bigger, more… family friendly. — he said, holding her hands with his, a soft smile on his face and a hopeful look on his eyes that made her heart brake.

Tessa lowered her eyes towards their hands, she felt dread building up in her chest, she knew that conversation would be coming up eventually and Bill seemed to be someone who would want kids, even if she tried to convince herself otherwise every now and then — Bill, I- — she slid her hands away from his, looking straight into his eyes as he tried to understand the pain that had seemed to take over her face — Bill, I’m sorry but I don’t… — she had slowly stopped talking, not because she felt she didn’t meant it or she was having doubts but because it felt like if she didn’t say it it would all be avoided. The discussion and the consequences.

— You don’t…? — he pressed his lips, thinking he understood, a hurt look on his face as he looked at her for an answer, but she didn’t give him one — You don’t want to have kids with me. — he said, defeated, looking away so she wouldn’t see how hurt he was.

— No, Bill, I- — she saw he still wasn’t looking at him so she took his chin, making him look back at her — It’s not you, I just don’t want kids.

— You don’t want kids. — he said as if he was tasting the words on his mouth, checking if he had heard wrong — Ever? — he frowned, still confused.

— Don’t say it like that, Bill. — she sighted, sorrow in her voice.

—Like what?

— Like- like I’m saying something unimaginable. I don’t want kids. It’s not something that makes me a monster I- I just don’t want it. — she rubbed her face, try ing to I look at myself in the future and it- I never see kids. When I force myself and put a child of my own in the picture it is just makes me… I- I just don’t want that.

— Maybe not right now but you might change your mind and-

— I won’t change my mind, Bill. — she lamented — I’ve never wanted kids, not even when I was a little girl. I’m twenty seven, Bill, I know what I want, and kids is just not one of those things. — they just stayed in silence for a moment. She looked at him sadly, only one thought on her mind. She knew It was other. The second she said she didn’t want kids she knew it. — Fuck. — she mumbled — It’s over, isn’t it?

— What? — he was confused. She had always been a quick thinker, quite analytic, connecting from point A to point Z by the time he would only had connected A to B. That was why she always seemed to be two steps ahead and always won every argument.

— You want kids I don’t, and it’s not something we can compromise on. It’s a lifetime commitment I’m not going to make.

Bill seemed to consider his options for a moment. His eyes moving like if he was reading a map. She looked at her, a faint smile on his face — Okay then. We won’t have kids. — her face dropped a bit.

— You can’t just decide that, Bill. — she lamented.

— Why not?

— Because you want kids. — she slouched her shoulders — You didn’t even said maybe. And I don’t want you to loose that because of me.

— But I want to be with you, okay? And if that means no kids, so be it. — he smiled, softly, as if he was saying nothing special — I just want to grow old with y-

— Stop it! — she cut him off. Then she stood up and took a deep breath before talking — You’re gonna hate me. If you don’t have kids only because of me you’ll grow to resent me. And I don’t want to be the only thing standing between you and fatherhood, Bill.

He stood silent for what seemed forever, looking at Tessa almost pleading for mercy — But I want to be with you. — the love and sorrow that his voice carried finished breaking her heart, a few tears started to run down her cheeks.

She walked towards him, taking his head between her hands, looking into his eyes and the tears that were in them — And I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. — his tears broke the invisible barrier that was holding them back, sobs escaped his lips as he wrapped his arms on her waist, burying his face on her stomach letting her hands to wonder in his long curly hair, both crying their hearts out.

— I’m sorry, Bill. — she whispered as she lowered herself to her knees, taking his face between her hands again, looking into his tearful blue eyes, heart and soul breaking once more but she tried to still maintain some composure — I’m so sorry.

— I love you. Please. — he said, still holding her waist between his hands, holding onto her as if she was the only thing that gave him life, at least in that moment he felt it like that.

She buried her face between his neck and his shoulder, breathing in his scent for what would be the last time, feeling his heartbeat against her chest, hearing his breathing next to her ear, touching his soft skin with her fingertips — I’m so sorry, Bill. I love you, too. — she whispered in his ear, leaving a soft kiss near his cheek before standing up making him feel as if his heart was being torn apart, taking his hands and making him let of her waist before walking away.


End file.
